REJECTION, ATTACHMENT AND DETACHMENT IN RELATIONSHIPS.

When you are angry with someone and you want to hurt them, just because you have to defend your wounded pride, the only one that "looses" (there is no competition) is you.  What do you lose? Love for yourself. Peace. For this reason it is not about competition. It is not a fight, there is no winner and no defeated. It's all about you, you can win or lose compared to yourself, not to someone else. You can conquer yourself or fall into the old schemes.

Sometimes we think that when we reject someone, when we want vengeance, when we build a wall, we are resolving things but it is not so. We think we are defending our position but we are only missing an opportunity to receive love from ourselves, for ourselves. Holding our position, our space it's the opposite; it means maintaining a state of inner peace because we don't allow our emotional reactions to others to disturb our inner quiet. We don't allow anyone to prevent us from giving love to ourselves. That is why, in relationships, forgiveness is the key ! It's not something that we do for the other person, to justify something we don't agree with or to get their approval. It's a gift we make to ourselves; we decide to be in a state of peace not war, giving up any feeling of resentment and bitterness toward the other being. We cease drama and fight. Be careful because if you think "even if you are not worthy of forgiveness, I forgive you because I want peace, because I am better than you" you are not forgiving at all. Everyone deserves forgiveness because we all come from light. We forgot about that and, sometimes, we can do mistakes but the ultimate truth stays unchanged.

We can say "I stop to blame anyone, I stop to feel guilty. Taking responsibility for my situation, I recognize that it's about me, no one else. It's my life. When I hate someone, the only one that looses it's me." The golden rule, right? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. What you do to another you do it to yourself. Why? Because the other is you! Literally! So easy to forget and yet so powerful and simple. It's not about philosophy or moral, it's something concrete. Try to harm someone and see how you feel. Good? I don't think so.

"Who knows the truth about me? Only me! So what other people think it's about them and their emotional state. They can only make assumptions and what they are doing is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. It's not because of me. There is nothing wrong with me. Why judging then? There is nothing personal. Why living in the past? There is so much for me in the present. Now, in this moment."

When you reject someone because you think that that being has the power to make you feel good or bad, you are living in an illusion. You are blaming. Yes, because you are the only one to have that power. What determines how and what you are feeling is your reaction to the other person. Nobody can control you and you can't control anyone. That is why you are not a victim. You have no oppressor. If you find yourself in a situation of conflict, ask yourself "what am I renouncing to?" If the answer is love (joy, happiness, fun, forgiveness and therefore peace) then stop to fight and react. Recognize the illusion (you are the only responsible of your emotional state) and tell yourself "since I love myself unconditionally, I give up any reaction/negative emotion and I choose self love. For me. I choose peace." "What am I getting from this situation?" "What kind of energy am I allowing in my body?" If the answer is fear (anger, rancor, hate, resentment) take a moment for you. Be conscious that it's an illusion and say "No, I choose myself, I choose self love. I do not allow anyone to disturb my inner state. I let go of this negative reaction, which depends only on me."

Rejecting can can happen only when we judge. Judgment comes from our thoughts because to understand things with our mind, we need to compare. We need an opposite, we divide. Tall/short beautiful/ugly big/small. The ultimate truth is the Oneness, the One, and that is indivisible. "Since I am that One I am indivisible. Since everyone is that One, they are all indivisible. And unique. Beyond any judgment." That is why judgment is a derivate of the ego, a mental construct, the result of the illusion generated on the physical plane, the separation or duality. Energetically, spiritually and even according to physics, everything is composed of the same energy. The zero point. The singularity, the universe, God. It doesn't matter the name it's who we are! Of course it's not easy not to judge, but we should always act from a level of consciousness that is beyond the physical (I am my body, illusion) beyond the " I know everything" "so I know what is best for you" so that we can simply be observers not judges. Strong in our core, conscious of the love we are.

Attachment, in the same way, comes from judgment and a low self esteem. We think "I am not enough, I can't do it alone, I need you to live, to sustain me." We project this "I can't live without you" "without you I am nothing" in our relationships, charging the other with an enormous expectation and responsibility! A responsibility that is not even of our partner/friend/spouse/whatever! This happens mainly in intimate relationships. When we think in this way we end up giving and giving without receiving and, since we don't receive, what we give is not authentic. Why? Because if you think that you "need" someone, it means that you are literally sucking the energy of the other being even if you are giving 100%.  Think about that, the sentence speaks for itself  "without you I am nothing" "I need you to live"  "without you I am nothing" No! This means being a slave, not free! It's a form of control we impose on ourselves and to the other person! As a consequence we begin to think to our partner like an object (a body) that we own. "He/she is mine." A soul is not a property. We begin to fear to lose the other because we convinced ourselves that without him/her we can't live! We don't allow that being to be true, authentic, free, to experience whatever they need, to change, to evolve because we are jealous and possessive, moved by fear. Therefore we tend to be more and more attached, dependent, more and more slaves and less free. This happens in every 3D relationship and it's a fake form of love! It is not unconditional! "I love you only if you are as I want you to be, only if you give me what I want, if I obtain something in return, if you don't change, if you depend on me and if I control you!" So many conditions! And they are all very subtle, and deep in our psyche that most of the time we don't even notice them. The misunderstanding borns when we think we need someone else to be complete; truth is that we only need to discover our completeness and greatness. We think that love depends on the presence of someone else. We "need", indeed, someone to feel loved, we "need" to hear someone that tells us " I love you." We forget that, in order to have a real relationship, especially when we want to bring them to the next level, 5D, the first and only thing to do is loving ourselves 100%. Giving ourselves the love, attention, approval we seek externally is the only rule. Nothing of this can be found externally! Why? Because, again, there is no external thing! It's a 3D mental construction! There is no separation, there is only you! Then we bring what we have for ourselves, love, into our relationship and give it unconditionally, we share it. We are free not in a state of dependence of "need" and the relationship can grow and expand exponentially because there is a fair energy exchange on both sides. With no personal return.

Of course we want someone that understands, accepts us, we all want to feel that we can trust that person, being in his/her arms with no fear and an open heart. Everyone wants to hear "I love you", there is nothing wrong with this. Problems begin when we are attached to that, when we think that the "other" is the requirement to make us feel loved, worthy, beautiful. When the "other" is not present we complain, "nobody loves me" " nobody wants me" searching for approval. When the "other" is present, we are dependent, searching approval in the same way. All what we do doesn't  come from the heart and it's made only to keep that being with us. When we truly love ourselves there is a point of no return, beyond which we become so strong in our core, indestructible, independent. Nothing can hurt us without our permission. We can say "NO, thank you" to who has detrimental behaviors toward us, we don't justify them by taking responsibility for ourselves.

There is a subtle line that divides attachment from rejection. Indeed when we want to be detached we risk to reject. What does it mean being detached? It means that if you are not in vibrational alignment with someone, even if you love them, you distance yourself from that person, focusing on you, because now you can't share the same space or be in a relationship. Rejecting is being in resistance "no, no, no, I don't want this person in my life because he/she is not how I want." That is the condition that is not allowing us to be in unconditional mode! We can even fall into the trap of wanting and trying to change the other, which is not possible and not our responsibility. Instead when we are detached we say " This person is not in alignment with me. Our frequencies are not the same. I accept them as they are now, without judgment but since I love myself I detach from this situation, I distance myself from them or our dissonant energies will only result in chaos." Taking on our shoulder the pain of someone is not the way, is detrimental for both. The other still suffers and you have all that stuff on you. The best thing is to keep your frequency the highest possible, because with that you influence your surroundings and believe it or not you have an influence on miles and miles in all directions around you! With your light the others are lifted. We have this false idea, this program that we need to clear which tells us that love, affection, means attachment, when the opposite is true!
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Is it not written love your neighbor as yourself? Indeed AS yourself. It means that if you don't love yourself first, you can't love another! You can't give what you don't have! Be the first on the list of who you love. That is why you have to focus on you only. Do not be concerned and worried about what the other is saying or thinking. As long as you stay true to yourself and your principles, in your heart, you will not do anything wrong. And if your partner, or your friend makes the same, the relationship works! You evolve and grow! Live and let live. Be the master that you truly are. With love.

​Michele Cornacchia

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This work by Michele Cornacchia is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License .
Based on a work at http://www.iammysoul.com/ .

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