UNDERSTANDING DUALITY AND FINDING FORGIVENESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS.

When we walk the path of life many things happen. They say that change is the only constant in our never ending process of expansion and that is absolutely true. In order to allow change to happen, we need to undergo certain experiences so that we can learn more about ourselves, our reactions, who we are. Many of this experiences can be traumatic and painful, indeed pain is what is used the most, for a period of time, by a soul to remember important lessons and facts about itself. When we traverse challenging times we are required to give 100% of ourselves, in order to overcome the obstacles that we placed in the first place on our journey. Only when we face the harshness of life, we can really understand who/what we are and who/what we are not. That being sayd, we need to understand that all that we are going through was planned before we came here into our bodies, as a carefully designed expereince with the purpose of growth. This can put things in perspective; we can accept everything more easly, we can understand why it is happening. It doesn't matter how and how painful it is, you would have experienced it anyway because, again, you needed to remember specific lessons and this is a good reason to stop to judge your life and have regrets. "What if I had done things differently?" Well you didn't! You can't change the past and if you had taken a different choice, you would had to learn anyway. Maby with a different experience, but with the same amount of pain. There is really no need to complain, what is needed is your willingness to take the rains of your life in your heand and change the situation. You can't live in the past forever and more than anything you can't live in that grief, hate, fear that is consuming you from the inside. You are the pilot in that ship that is your body and all around you is your magnificent creation! We all know that darkness is only lack of light, as much as fear is the illusion that prevents us to see the love behind. This is real and a sacred thruth. The point is that many in the spiritual community speak about love and light as if it doesn't exist anything else! Well... it is so! But sometimes we have to face all that suffering and pain in our life and we can't be blind to it. So how do we overcome all of this? How do we deal with this duality?

We need to tap into our warrior side, which means that we have to recognize that there are some dark spots in our life, that we have the power to change them into something more positive. We have to stand up for ourselves and stop to bend our head just because "it's all love and light." We have to stop anyone that is trying to manipulate our energy in anyway and for any reason but... we are warriors for peace and we do not fight, we do not start a war which is exactly what we want to heal in us. Simply, we find inside the courage to go our own way, to hold our space, so that healthy boundaries can be respected; our freedom ends where the freedom of another begins. We do not recognize any competition, fight and drama. We simply say no when we feel that is appropriate. Many beings are still in the dark at this time, they are unheald and are projecting theyr hurts, traumas, and unheald spaces onto others. How can we achieve peace if we add to all our own issues that we need to heal, all the junk that others throw on us? What if we add all the junk that we throw at them, all that conflict and pressure? We end up losing ourselves in a labyrinth. We have to realize that, yes, the other is a being of love and light but is asleep and at this time, his/her unawareness, and therefore behaviours, hurt us. No lables, no judgment, just acknowdlege theyr need to feed on your own energy because they have not yet learned to sustain themselves with theyr own life force. So what do they do? They constantly ask us attention, trying to cause an emotional response in us in order to manipulate ourselves so that they can feed of our energy. Yes, they are you, they are God as you are but you have even your own individuality, energy, space, ideas and principles and if they don't resonate with the other being, then it's time to accept that keeping yourself stuck into that relationship is not the way. If they have habits that are detrimental for you, you have to be aware of this and face the fact that you can't change that nor it's your responsability. There is nothing wrong if they are choosing to be in the darkness now, it is just theyr path and way of waking up. In essence they are pure and sinless, but if they are doing something bad to you, you absolutely can't justify this using the excuse that "they are love and light." Do not lable them as "bad" or "cruel" limit yourself to recognize theyr patterns in theyr current state of consciousness and distance yourself from them. How do you keep yourself stuck in there? Whenever you try to please them, when you try to get theyr approuval, when you justify them, when you can't stand up for the thruth allowing manipulation to occur, when you give them energy that is yours and should be only in your body sustaining you. When you ask permission to be happy. When you shut down your love, your thruth, your light, your voice, yourself... just because we are talking about "love and light" know that they can never hurt anyone: that is a false belief that you have to let go. Thriving  and deserivng the best is not wrong and can never be a threat for anyone. You are here to shine. Often the "pity program" runs in the minds of all the people involved, so one uses it to get the attention of the other, or it is used to justify a behavior or an habit of one of the beings involved that has not our best interests at heart. Why? Because they are "only love and light!" Even fighting and reacting are not the way. So what we need to do?

First accept that this relationship had a purpose in your life, it was one of those things that you placed on your path in order to understand who you are and it made you who you are right here, right now. You are not the being that experienced all that, so long ago... why do you keep yourself chained to all that? You grew, you evolved, you are different, that is why it is unsustainable for you! The vibration that you reached now is so dissonant with the past that creates an internal conflict that is killing you! You want to be in an higher vibrational space not in a lower one and since you are the creator of it all, realize that the problem is inside you not outside! You are the creator of that space so it's your responsability. How do you create it? With forgiveness of course! Forgiving means moving on, letting go of greif, rancor, of the need to fight and to keep drama alive. We stop to give any negative energy to a being or a situation; this doesn't mean that we agree with that person or that we want to hang out with them, simply we let go of any resentment for what we don't agree with. Once we understand this, we can accept things as they are meant to be and we are ready to release or at least to begin the process of releasing from our field people, situations, traumas that are not serving our growth anymore. If there is no more resonance and if you keep all that stuff in your field, the only result will be chaos, self sabotage and more pain to deal with. Remember that everything happens for a reason and the universe always brings us the perfect package needed for our growth.

How do we forgive? First of all we have to understand that is a process that requires time and happens in stages. We begin from the superficial pain and slowly we proceed toward our deepest wounds. The hurt and pain that we feel comes not from the past, as we may think, but from our present emotionl state. Our current feelings are birthed in the now moment but are, at the same time, related to something that is gone. That is why all that blocked emotional energy is keeping us in the past but it comes from the present. The present becomes the past. We have to acknowdlege our feelings, we have to talk with someone, a friend, our parents, about what we felt when that bad thing happend. Talk even to yourself and recognize your inner pain. A good way to do this is writing, it helps us to anialize things better and is a good way to release. Then we have to feel all the negativity that we carry inside. If we are hungry with a person we can't pretend to be able to forgive them in a couple of minutes. All that stuff is blocking our heart center; we need to allow those emotions to come to the surface so that they can be felt, expressed, not suppressed. Do not judge your feelings, they are there to teach you something important. When you feel it, you heal it. When you ignore it, it remains there going deeper and deeper, conditioning you more and more. There is nothing wrong with feeling fearful, angry, depressed when we are doing that because we want to move on insted of accepting passively that we are feeling bad. Real forgiveness occurs when we recognize the oneness between all the persons involved; the other is you in another body in a different time space doing the best he/she can in that moment because he/she is facing the same journey you are facing, "fighting a battle" of which you know nothing about. A good idea is using the hawaian mantra Ho'oponopono. The basic idea of  Ho'oponopono teaches us that our existence is birthed from inside, there is no external thing. We are all extensions of the same energy, which is what makes up the entire universe. For this reason we are the only creators and responables of, both, the bad and the good things that are "happening" in our life. You have the capacity to change what you don't like through the power of gratitude and forgiveness. Repeat this mantra to yourself and to who you want to forgive: "I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." Ho'oponopono means "to make things right."  This releases the memories that are stored in our subconscious and that are being activated by our thoughts. As consequence they are manifesting as problems in our life: we don't need to feel guilty for it, we just take responsability, releasing them. How? Using the mantra!

Now that we understood the importance of accepting things as they are and not as they were, we can let go of the past, because we can clearly see that all what we have been through was needed for us to see things as they are meant to be not as they are supposed to. And we trust the universe, we don't need to control anymore just because we want to please our claims, our attachments, our ego romanticizing the past or because we want to defend our heart from a possible future suffering. In doing that with faith, we keep moving, knowing that what is coming next is much better than what our ego pretends.

​Michele Cornacchia.

This work by Michele Cornacchia is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License .
Based on a work at http://www.iammysoul.com/ .

Share with credits to the author only.